"The truth is the truth and the only thing you can do is to live with it.”

No , i haven’t joined (yet at least) AA, but i have recently come across with this phrase while listening to ‘repentance’ of Dream Theater, and it suddenly became my mantra for the past few weeks:)

So what is the truth for me nowadays? At least when it comes to running, it was hard to accept, but i had to realize that my hamstring issue will take longer time to heal than i initially thought (might be as long as 6 months to full recovery) , and that means i don’t run more than 20km per week. This also means, that i will most probably not be able to run the 70km ultra i’m supposed to run next week since most of my preparation consisted of indoor group trainings, elliptical and running up steps on my training hill. I do admit that i’ve leant to enjoy more than ever the group trainings, and most likely even if i could run, i would train indoors more than usual due to the darkness and poor weather conditions during November. And yet…i miss running more than ever. I go once a week for a short 5k run not as training, but because i simply need it….it clears my mind and helps me to go though the week.

I wish the hamstring would be the only issue i was worried about. I’m ‘lucky’ enough to experience every possible injury ever documented….About a month ago i went for a 3 hour run which i had to stop due to pain in my right foot. I decided to go this time to a doctor, who only made me feel worse by saying it most likely not a running injury but a problem in the foot which can only be fixed by surgery. This of course, can only be confirmed via MRI which i never bothered to do. Instead, i decided to rest for one week and see if the pain goes away. Luckily, i was right, after one week , the pain went away. I still have a slight discomfort sometimes when i run and i do feel like i’m running with a ‘bomb’ under my legs since i know the problem might return any minute but so far, i just want to run again and get rid of the hamstring issue.

During the last two week , actually my right hamstring feels much better which is a great news!! I can run short distances, and climb hills without any significant pain. This feels great! I know that by next week it won’t completely heal, my running dynamics are still very poor and i feel like my legs forgot how to run…but as the title of this post indicates, this is the truth, and there is nothing i can do about it but to accept it.

On top of that, two weeks ago i started having pain in my left shine bone…i really can’t understand how i managed to get shine splints when i barely run, but since on the weekend just before it appeared i ran 40 km (20+20) i guess even though it used to be easy in the past now somehow by body can’t handle it…i’m very much terrified since i really can’t handle so many injuries anymore…

But again, i decided to limit running as much as possible and just concentrate on indoor training. It’s really ironic that running hills on elliptical or participating in almost any group exercise i can think of have become my ultra-marathon training but this is the truth…

GOPR2234

First snowy day and i'm struggling on the way up to the top of Malminkartanonhuippu

So yes, i’m so terrified and nervous about next week, but i hope to be on the start line , enjoy the view as much as i can, and i know now that even though there is nothing i want more to reach the finish line after 45 miles, i will probably have a DNF…since i hardly believe i can manage with approximately 10 hours of hills running when i can barely run 20km without horrible cramps. I can’t bear the thought of another injury which will take me another several months of healing so my only wish for this race is to be able to do the sensible thing and stop when i know my body can’t handle running anymore….when will it happen?...only my legs can tell on Saturday, the 5th of December :)