The long road to recovery

My main goal in the last month was to start running again…hoefully not in pain and slowly increase the load and intensity of the trainings. At the same time, i had to keep in mind i’m not fully recovered , so i cannot do any speed work/ run intervals or even tempo runs…But i can run slow and almost pain free. That being acknowledged, my main obstacle seemed to be the winter..or more precisely , slippery and icy trails (I already strained my left quad several weeks back on icy road). The most important thing to me was to enjoy my runs, just do it for fun..not for being fast, not to race, just enjoy this pure gift of running outdoors and cherish it. So every time i felt disappointed or when i was feeling i was running so slow i had to remind myself over and over to be grateful for what i can do at the moment. I can run..slow, but i can run.

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I had many fantastic runs, long , short, trail runs, rainy runs, slippery runs on icy roads, commuting runs to gym….all of those things i was longing to do for so long and i couldn’t . Moreover, i was increasing gradually my weekly milage …first 50 km per week, then 60, 70, ….until this week i exceeded even my own expectations ,and had my first long run- almost 37km, mostly on magical forest trails. It was a huge source of happiness for me, because several months ago, i collapsed on the same route due to foot pain and had to take the train back . This time, those were my own legs that took me back home. Words can’t express this feeling i missed for so long…this feeling of exhausting my legs, of crossing my own limits, this wonderful feeling of tiredness and happiness at the same time when you run and run and you feel free as a bird. Furthermore, i explored new trails- i enjoyed letting myself to get lost and just run towards the unknown. What a bliss. Many of those runs were in deep snow...which made it much more difficult for my legs. I was struggling so hard sometimes and on many occasions felt so awkward to be a sole runner among skiers..but i always felt so happy to be able to enjoy those winter runs.

When i ran in the city, i realized i do not need to run the same ‘flat’ route all the time- I can play a game called- ‘Climb every hill you see’ - and WOW…it worked so nice! It’s amazing how many hilly places you can find in Helsinki if you just look around…

I did not neglect my indoor trainings though…so at first i started to run-commute to gym, Then i started doing more running sessions on treadmill after group training and i try to do more spin sessions (especially intervals ). The group exercises are so good in helping me to strengthen the muscles , improve my mobility and they are a great substitute for the speed work i can’t do yet on trails. In fact, as unbelievable as it seems, sometimes one hour of indoor exercise has more impact on my legs than 4 hours of running slow…I’m not sure if that is because my fitness level is low but lately when i reach Thursday i feel like the only exercise i can do is Yoga….Luckily, Friday is my rest day :)

However, and there’s a huge ‘however’….i still can’t run pain free , definitely can’t race yet and in the last week my legs were basically telling me :’Please leave us alone…we just want to rest…’.

It’s so hard to learn to ‘listen to your body’. It seems my hamstring just refuses to heal …and this scares me so much because i’m afraid i won’t be able to be fit enough by summer to run my two Mont-Blanc races. It feels like my life is so oscillatory…..some days are great, and i can run almost pain free…and some days my right leg is in such pain that i know i have no choice but to let it rest for few days. Accepting this is so hard, but unlike the previous year, i don’t have any plans to stay injured during spring-summer. My main and only goal is not to run fast, but run pain free by spring . My next race is 70km ultra in Israel in mid. April and all i wish is to run it at my best. To enjoy it and not think about when my leg is gonna fail me and if i need to stop in the middle like what happened in almost every race in 2015. That’s the only thing i want and long for.

March is gonna get so busy for me, i’ll be extremely busy at work, but one of my goals is to increase my morning trainings- i.e., to have a morning training and evening training , let it be Yoga, gym or a short run but just do more. Especially , if i’m not able to increase my milage. It's so frustrating sometimes that i can increase the intensity of my training as i should do as part of my trainings. Hell, i ´'m not even able to run as i could last year. It's like a flight between my mind and my legs. I feel as if i'm walking on a thin rope that might break any minute.

So by my next post, i’m so hoping to be better…i need to be bette so that i could run better. It’s so hard to learn how to listen to your body and i’m learning it every day. The road to recovery seems endless so many times…but then, losing hope is not an option. not yet. Next goal- running pain free by spring. That’s all i want.