NeverEnding Running Rehab
- Rinat Landman
- Mar 13, 2016
- 4 min read
Somehow this blog turned out to be more or less about me fighting injuries rather than my running adventures….but writing here helps me to deal with my frustration in a better way ….and since very few people in my life are able to understand my situation….(if any? but at least there's one person who understands why i'm tired every evening since i spend so many hours in the gym ...:) it’s easier to let everything out on this pages….
There are few good and few bad things that have happened in the last two weeks. I’ll start with the good ones. In the past 3 weeks i have tried …and i mean Really TRiED to avoid running as much as possible…i know i should have tried harder…but anyhow, at first it seemed as if my pain is remaining the same or even worse…only in the last week i think i started to notice a slight positive change….how do i know this?? it hurts a bit less when i do my stretching exercises for the hamstring and unlike the previous week, i managed to kick with my right leg in Bodycombat almost without any pain…oh…and doing lunges track in Bodypump is less painful as well….good thing…
In addition, in the past week i found a new way to challenge myself on the elliptical: I always used to do the hills program on a steady speed…but i got bored..so now, i’m running intervals on the hills…oh boy…it’s so much more fun ( and exhausting …). I finally can feel my heart beat racing up to the sky and my legs work hard..so who cares if i get sometimes weird looks from the people in the gym because they must think i’m gonna break the machine any second….
Also, i’m gradually increasing the intensity of my indoor cycling sessions…so by the beginning of the summer i hope i ‘ll be at least a better cyclist…cause i’m sure not gonna be a better runner.
In fact, i was even thinking to get myself a new bike if i can’t run by summer…something to give me back the motivation to train outdoors..
On the other hand, every time i feel i ‘m on the way to recovery, when i rush to the bus and run or just try to run..i realize i’m not gonna run pain free any time soon….i’m not even sure if i run again in next month or next year….and i’m really starting to get a bit crazy with all those indoor trainings…especially now that spring is in the air…i feel like an alcoholic going through a rehab….when i walk on street and see people run…i swear there are almost tears in my eyes (and i have this feeling for nearly a year now)…Furthermore, wherever i go i’m looking for ridges or rocks to climb and run over, and i mean when i walk in my neighbourhood, or when just walking in the city…(yes, Helsinki is a very unique city in this sense …:)
Yesterday, i found myself just running on rocky ridges, very slow of course, but it’s like finding the inner child within me again….haha…maybe that’s the reason i spent most of my early childhood with bruises all over my body. I’m really faulty in that sense…i know should only do walk/jog at the moment…but after a while…i’m behaving like an unleashed dog running in his playground…i just start to run fast which i know i shouldn’t…or i look for hills to climb..
Yes, my time is filled with plenty of tasks (i wish April would come already…) and yes i’m trying new hobbies , but not sure that cooking or baking is a good hobby when one cannot run :)
Anyhow, today when the sun was smiling through my window i knew i had to go back there…so i went back to my hill…in my head there’s now a constant fight between the voice saying ‘go to swim/gym’ otherwise you’ll never recover’ and the voice saying ‘you must go back to the hill, nothing makes your legs stronger and happier at the same time…and it’s so much more fun than swimming’…so it’s like a war in my head all the time….
It was the first time today than after my workout i actually realized that i should have found another activity to deal with my loss of running….yes, i LOVE climbing, YES, i can’t even express how much i enjoy rocking on the snowy downhills…( i’m really getting better at this ..:) but then, at some point i have to ask myself if it’s worth the pain i feel in my leg afterwards….not to mention my frustration when i see other runners run fast and free while i’m not able to push myself hard there…due to my pain…in the fall, when i used to run there, i just accepted the ‘price’ i was about to pay the next days due to this workout…but now, more than ever i just want to heal faster..so i’m not sure i want to pay this price any longer.


Damn….it’s so hard. It’s like for one moment i’m telling myself…just quit, stop everything: gym, running, swimming, EVERYTHING…just stop it for a while…but who am i kidding ?? it’s not gonna last for more than few days….and on the other hand, when i think about spending all those hours in the gym next week instead of running outside i’m not sure i can make it either…
It’s funny, but i’m not just fighting injuries…i’m battling between injuries and myself…I used to think that running an ultra-marathon is hard…but let me tell you something , for me, not running at all even for one week is way harder….as crazy as it might seem…i wonder if there’s somewhere a support group for the dysfunctional runners…i’d really like to join :)
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