Re-defining goals

Will i ever run normally again? I’ve been asking this myself everyday in the past 6 months…

Some days it feels closer than ever and some days it feels like ‘never’ is the right answer…

This injury, is probably the worst of all running injuries… (and i ‘ve had plenty of experience): It lets you run slow with a moderate pain…but it’s like cancer. It just doesn’t leave you. It’s there always inside your leg, and you feel it with every step you make. You can run slow but once you try to speed , even slightly, you suddenly get a reminder from your leg in the form of a sharp pain…

so you can run…but you actually can’t. And it goes on and on and it seems as if it will never leave.

The problem is how to deal with the frustration of running like a crippled person ? Today was one of those days when i lost it….after 2 hours of a slow run…i just couldn’t take it anymore…and without even noticing i started running progressively fast. And it felt so good! I ran fast and fast and it was a feeling i almost forgot…but then, i pay for it with an after-run pain and it all comes back like a boomerang to me: why was i so stupid to run fast when i know i shouldn’t….it’s just that sometimes i also need to remind myself i can still run fast and not just hobble like an old granny….at least i'm lucky that spring is here....so the slow runs enable me to enjoy it at most...

I can’t say i did not improve: in the last 6 weeks i progressed from jogging/walking with pain to jogging with almost no pain…and to think that i was supposed to run my first ultra this weekend…( SDW 50 miler…). I know i tore my muscle…i just didn’t think it would take almost a year to heal..

On one of her recent blog posts, Stephanie Howe (one of my running inspirations ) shared her frustrations when coming back to running after her Achilles tendon surgery…so she accepted the fact that running is different now than before..it’s like starting all over. Realising that running will never be as before. Consequently, i’m trying to re-define goals as well and adapt to the current situation of my legs. How can i be a mountain runner without running and without mountains ? Probably can’t, right ?

I know i don’t stand the slightest chance to finish Mont Blanc 80km at the end of June ..but i also know that i’m gonna give my best shot out there. How? I can’t work on my technical running skills, but i can work on my legs strength , i can bike , i can do almost everything indoors….and…i can run really slow for long time.

Potentially, if i can survive climbing for 15 hours and i can run the downhills…then at least i should be able to survive the first 40-50 km…

so that’s the plan. One of my closest friends told me recently : If you can’t run, walk, and if you can’t walk, crawl. But no matter what, keep moving forward.

That’s my plan for the 24th of June..

Meanwhile, i’m planning to have long riding hours into sunsets, plenty of indoor exercises and even more hours with my best friend lately: the elliptical. We started having fun together…If the only mountains i can climb are on the elliptical…let it be! I actually think i’m getting really better at this. The only problem: I can’t spend on this machine more than one hour…so i do 40min x3 elliptical/bike/elliptical…total 2hours…on full resistance. And it hurts. A lot. Especially after a group class.

Meanwhile, in just few days i’m going for a short visit home…and there’s no better place to heal than there…i hope to squeeze few runs, mountains climbing, meeting friends , family time, and so many other things… maybe it’s for the best my race was cancelled….

I don’t ask myself anymore when my legs heal….it’s a lost cause.

i ask myself how to prepare for long hours on mountains with my current abilities….hopefully, this will work. I’ve given up on being a trail runner this year, but i’m gonna try to be a better cyclist and mountain climber :)

GOPR3300