It's (not?) the end of the world ....

I thought that 2015 was a bad year...boy , had i'd known how 2016 would be i'd say 2015 was great!!

2016 is the year i'd like to forget ever happened or at least the most of it.

I could not run from Farbuary till beginning of May due to a repeating hamstring injury. That was a hard time. But there was one thing that held me on, that kept me going, that made it worth spending hours in the gym , fitness classes, on my bike, etc..

The belief that by spring/summer i'll be better and i could run again kept me going on. And just as i was about to give up during April thinking this 'cancer' as i call it would never leave my body, by the beginning of May i gradually started running again. First, it was tough, my hamstring muscle was cramped after every run, even a 10K, so i couldn't run much. However, i was improving from week to week. By the end of May i was bold enough to start the 80km Karhunkierros. Even though i was dehydrated and could not finish, my hamstring was fine considering the situation . Two weeks later i ran my first road race in 10 months :the Helsinki half marathon. I was having so many doubts whether i should race or not, but running my first road race in a pace i thought i'd never run again was such a nice surprise. It was not a PR but it was a huge progress and that was enough. The day after my hamstring was so cramped i could barely walk pain free but how happy i was when i could jog easily 20km the day after with a cramped hamstring.

And then it was summer . A blissful summer. I started going more and more to community runs and organized trail runs (so that i could get to know more trials and practice) and i enjoyed them so much. Many of them i ran with horrible cramps..but i was in such a good place. I tried to increase the intensity of my trainings, and it was going well. I still kept cross-training and going to the gym for 3-4 times a week but the fact i could also run now for 3-4 times a week was a bliss. It was a gift and i was free again, free to come home after work, put on my running shoes, go for a long run and forget about the world. The hamstring was still there, i could feel it after 10-15 km, but it allowed me to run and that's what mattered. Then at the end of June, came Marathon Du Mont Blanc (80km) that i could only finish the first 48km of it since cut offs were shortened unexpectedly and it was so hot my body was too weak to push hard. At first i felt devastated and so disappointed. However, when i realized the day after i could run on the mountains and that my hamstring was actually in a fairly good situation it was all i needed. The DNF was painful but the fact i could run the day after was more important. The 5 days i spent there have given me so much and i got so much stronger that i really didn't care anymore about my DNF. It was my first technical mountain race and it would be almost impossible to complete it with the lack of training i had. However, i knew that it was an excellent training for the upcoming CCC in August.

I was feeling so good when i got back from Chamonix to Finland. First, it was hard since i missed the mountains and everything is so flat here. I was eager to climb, to breath the fresh mountain air and i was longing for long days on the mountains. That's when i made 2 decisions: one was to race a week later the Helsinki Trail run (21km) and second was to go the NUTS Pallas and run the 134km route instead of the 55km i was initially intended to. The first one, went really well. I think it was my best race this year. I was not at my best, and still , finishing the race in less than 2 hours and being 4th female was such a nice surprise. It was almost the 'old' me. My hamstring was stronger now , i felt its weakness along the run but it was not dominant anymore.

Two weeks later i traveled to Hetta, in Finnish Lapland to race NUTS Pallas. I must confess that the fear of getting injured was always there and i tried my best to control it. Once it was a nagging pain in my left shin bone, other time it was a pain in my left hip flexor, but luckily, they did not last for long. Honestly, i knew i'd probably not finish the 134km route but i still decided to run it for few reasons. I wanted to train more and to adjust to long days of running. I was suffering from all kind of stomach and dehydration issues in previous races and i wanted to see if i could control those better. Furthermore, i thought it would be a unique and wonderful experience to run during all night under the midnight sun and i love fell running. However, the first 80 km of the route were more of forest running which was more hard due to the swamps and i suffered from severe stomach pain and weakness. Moreover, when starting the climb towards Hetta from Pallas the weather was so bad and i was so frozen i decided to quit. Possibly, i could hobble there for another 10 hours but my body was in such pain (i suffered from a nasty fall early in the race) i didn't want to suffer anymore for seeing nothing (the weather was so bad so the vision was horrible). Looking back, i know it was the right call and i don't regret it.

In spite of all the pain i suffered during the race i was recovering fairly fast and was running already 3 days after. Things started to get worse the week later. I went for a long run with my friend and i noticed i had a pain in my forefoot. I didn't pay much attention to it but since my leg was so sore by the time we finished our run i decided to take a bit of rest from running .I knew already that sometimes my foot pain came as a warning sign for me to stop running. The day after even walking in my regular shoes was painful so i knew something was wrong. The following days it got better as i could run pain free but once i finished my runs the pain got back. Then, i did a fatal mistake. I rested for few days and during weekend i went for 2 long runs. The first one was a 25km trail run which was somewhat ok, but the other one the day after was an absolute disaster as my foot hurt for almost the whole way. This time, the red sign turned on and i decided that from this time i will not run till pain goes away. 3 days later i had a horrible bike accident on the way to work with my bike which made me feel so bad and my arm was all smashed and painful. On that evening i decided to go and do my steps intervals workout. I thought that climbing stairs could not affect the foot. However, after 2 hours of climbing the pain was mild but it was there so i went back home thinking it probably was not the best idea to do hill reps on the same day you crash from you bike....

My next run was about a week later. I didn't run and only cross trained and the swelling was reduced so i wanted to see my foot situation. It was a community run of the Helsinki city trail . Imagine my surprised as my foot is pain free but suddenly i feel again a sharp tweaking pain at the back of my hip....at first i taught it was the piriformis muscle...but no, i couldn't be mistaken...it was the hamstring tendon again. The 'cancer' is back. I was shocked and couldn't believe this absurd situation. How is it possible ? No pain whatsoever in any previous run and suddenly this? I did have some early signs: a mild pain at the back of my thigh when i rushed to the bus few days earlier which i thought was nothing or a sharp buttock pain during group training which i thought was due to long cycling hours...but no, it was the hamstring tendon...out of nowhere it decided to be painful again...

At first, since the pain was very mild i had some hopes that if i rest for 2 weeks it might go away just before the race, but since today , almost a week after and without any running the pain just got worse i don't see any reason to believe it will go away. In fact, this is the final straw.

I'm not sure what is worse...the fact i need to go now to Chamonix knowing i can't race or the fact i'm looking forward to another several months of no running and only cross training. It feels so unfair and cruel. I don't mind the DNFs, i don't mind i can't run as fast as i could, but i can't take it when running is being taken away from me. I miss the feeling of going to a long run and just let my thoughts wander instead of thinking which part of body hurts. After NUTS Pallas i was even thinking to go for another ultra-race or at least 50-60km run. I my worst dreams i did not imagine i'd have to take rest for the last 4 weeks before the race and even then i'd probably just go there to witness the race but not take part of it. The CCC...the one thing i was dreaming about for one year now...the one thing that kept me going on throughout the darkest hours of the last year. The one thing which made it worth to run the Dorset Ultra Plus with one functional leg...

I'm supposed to take part in the World Trail Championships in Portugal in 2 months as part of the Israeli team and even that seems impossible at the moment.

Did i over train ? maybe? but i honestly tried to be attentive towards my body in the last months...i was constantly living with the fear of being re-injured ..and i guess now my foot was my warning sign and i ignored it ...

Not sure anymore how to handle this situation. I don't even remember what it is to run like a normal person. I thought i'd be reminded again during 2016 but i was wrong...maybe 2017 would be better..maybe not..but " The truth is the truth and all you can do is live with it...".