The unbelievable journey towards the finish line of the CCC

The weeks before

Life is a lot like mountain running, sometimes you’re down and sometimes you’re on top of the world. I think i will never ever forget the month of August 2016 as i’ve never been as low and as high spiritually and physically.

I spent the 4 weeks before the race experiencing two different injuries: my right ankle was painful after every run and the worst was some kind of weird sharp pain i was having in my leg while accelerating which i assumed related to my hamstring. I felt like i was in a race against time, resting , icing, cross-training, stretching , yoga, swimming, sports massage, just name it…but it seemed as if i was getting worse from day to day instead of better. I was so desperate i even went to a doctor…that was of course waste of time as all he could do was write me a note that i couldn’t race due to injury and refer me to a physical therapist. I was so depressed like i’ve never been with any of my injuries. It felt as if i was unfairly punished. During the whole month of July i was mainly concerned with my nutrition and hydration problems and with the essential gear for the race, while ironically , my legs were the ones that failed me eventually.

I tried to distract myself with movies, tv, friends, but i was in such a dark place i just wanted to be alone and dwell in misery. Pathetic, i know but the only thing that made me feel better during the past week was re-watching the Gilmore Girls on Netflix. A week before going to Chamonix i was starting to digest the fact that no miracle was about to happen and i just could not race. I’d just go try to find some redemption by hiking on the mountains. The funny thing was that if my flight ticket were refundable or if i could change destination i’d definitely do it. It was even more weird packing, since i decided to take still all my running gear…just in case…you know.

“There’s no sorrow that mountains can’t heal”

On the first day i arrived to Chamonix i felt so bad , but somehow once i was once again in Les Houches surrounded my mountains i was feeling slightly better. Then, as if i didn’t sleep only 5 hours the night before i spent the whole afternoon and evening climbing to Refuge De Bellachat, enjoying the view of Mont Blanc and the descending towards Chamonix. The good thing was i could climb pain free but the bad thing was that my ankle started to hurt again from the climbs and descents. It was so frustrating…even though i had such an amazing time , i felt so even worse since i thought my ankle was fine but obviously it wasn’t…the CCC was lost at that point. The next morning i woke up with a slightly sore ankle, and then i decided to climb toward Nid D’agile which has a magnificent view of a huge glacier and i couldn’t reach it last time due to lack of time. I admit that part of me wanted to have a long day on the mountains so that my legs would be so exhausted so that the decision not to run the CCC would be easier.

It was hot, a beautiful shiny day, and i found peace in just climbing by myself..i spent that day hiking up and down 25km with 1500m elevation gain..and suddenly i realized i felt so much better…it was as if the mountains healed all my sorrow. My ankle was better once i relaxed and just enjoyed the view, and i was finding again the pure joy of spending a whole day in the mountains…When i reached Nid D’agile i sat down, looked at the view, drank a cold beer, i even noticed two sweet deers and a marmot and i was happy again….i didn’t care anymore about racing, UTMB or anything else…i was free…it’s like when i was up there all my troubles went away…pure happiness…it’s so true what John Mure said : There’s no sorrow that mountains can’t heal. When i descended back to Les Houses i met the first runner of the TDS which started early on that morning…and i’ve learnt that my apartment was actually on the route of the runners…which was kinda nice experience hearing the crowd cheering the runners throughout the whole night and the next morning.

The day before

While hiking the day before made me slightly more calm and i accepted my poor condition even planning where to hike on the race day i woke up the day before so nervous. Since i wanted to give my legs a bit of rest i decided to go to Chamonix to collect my bib number , just in case. I think at that point i started to realized that my biggest fear was not withdrawing from the race but rather running it with my injuries and ultimately making them worse. It was a battle between my head and my heart. My head was telling me :’ rest now and you’ll be fine to run in few weeks’ while my heart was telling me :’ You’ve put up with so much in the last year and made such a long way that it would be simply unfair if you don’t give a chance for you legs to run ‘. I was passing through through the aid station in Les Houches and i was looking with admiration on the runners of the TDS on running their last miles after more than 24 hours running and i was simply jealous in them …although i’m sure all they wanted at that time was just to reach the finish line as soon as possible..some of them were in such agonizing pain they could barely run..and still, i was jealous .

Anyhow, after a while when i reached the race center and the expo area i felt just ridiculous. As if i was insane and stupid at the same time . Part of me was thinking i should not be there and in instead just be up there on the mountains and yet, i followed my heart and went to get my bib. However, few nice and funny things happened on that day: I met David Laney at the supermarket and Jason Schlarb at the race office (i was of course too shy to say anything to any of them..:) , The lady who checked my kit (they actually weigh the mid-layer t-shirt to ensure it’s at least 180gr!!! ) cut me loose since i forgot to buy batteries and my shirt was 145gr and not 180gr … (not that it mattered since it was about 320C on the race day…) . Furthermore, she noticed i was so nervous (it’s hard to hide…) that she gave me a hug !! How sweet is that !! One of those things that would never happen to me in Finland….(Finns are nice and generous but most of them act as robots ) but the French people, though they might not speak English so well or even at all, are so warm and kind…it was such a nice surprise i also notice during my whole visit to Chamonix. Then, i went to explore the Expo (i’m one of those rare girls who’d rather hunt for running gear for hours rather than shoes or clothes…) . I bought compression socks and arm sleeves , an amazing organic and concentrated energy gel made from ginger and honey and electrolytes from a new British innovative company (Precision Hydration- i highly recommend them) !! Last, but not least, i tried the new Altra lone peak 3 shoes which are amazing…i couldn’t afford buying them then, but they will probably be my next ones during 2017.

Afterwards, my legs were so tired and cramped i decided just to go and drink something in the center. I found the perfect place, just near the finish line where i watched the finishers of the OCC and i ordered the local Chamonix beer (Brasserie Du Mont Blanc) which is excellent BTW. I just tried to relax and enjoy this rare moment while next to me was sitting a woman with her little Terrier dog. I couldn’t help myself and started cuddling the dog, and we started talking (another thing which would never happen with Finns…) . She was Swiss and was having her vacation..she had no idea about the UTMB and so i gave her a ‘brief’ introduction to the trail running world ( probably she heard more than she wanted….) and she told me she was a co-founder of a software start up company which is partly American (She had a perfect American accent). I told her about how scared i was and how i was doubting whether i should start or not. I told her i reached a point in which i simply didn’t care anymore, i was at bottom that couldn’t be any lower so i just couldn’t see how things can go any worse if i just tried to run and would stop if needed. She told me she experienced the same feeling with her company and in life, and she told me ‘If you don’t try , you’ll never know’. And so i decided to take the advice of this nice lade , and as scared as i was i decided to try my luck with the plan to reach the first check point and the quit if the pain goes worse. At this point i also must mention that i did not run at all in the past 2 weeks before the race and i was planning to try running before the race to see the level of pain , but i didn’t even do that since i was scared to feel the pain….i completely decided to go almost ‘blind’ to a race which is one the hardest in the world without any knowledge on the condition of my legs to run.

On the night before, i told my decision to my parents so that could follow me and explained the situation. They really don’t understand my running addiction and it’s so hard to explain to them why i prefer running 80km on mountains rather than 20km on road but still they accepted my decision and supported it.

Race Day

“The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly”

I woke up after almost a sleepless night and started to get ready. To say that i was nervous would be an understatement. Surprisingly though my foot felt less swollen so at least that was one good sign. I quickly ate and went to the bus stop to wait for the ride to Courmayeur (Italy) where the race starts. In every race i run during 2015-16 i was nervous due to some injury or pain but in this case, i reached a new level of fear. I almost felt as if i’m giving my legs a ‘death sentence’. When reaching the start line , one of my favorite songs was played: ‘Run boy Run’ by Woodkid and it was the first time there were tears in my eyes before the race rather than afterwards. I was so emotional and nervous like i haven’t felt many times in my life. The start was so emotional : 2000 runners on the start line aligned according to their bib numbers, some are scared, some film with their GoPro cameras, some say goodbye to their supporters but all are nervous and excited . Not all will reach the finish line but all will try to do their best to enjoy this wonderful day on mountains. The French hymn was played, few exciting words were told and then final countdown which every runner knows so well.

Nick, one the guys i met after being disqualified in Mont Blanc Marathon advised me to stand close to the start line and i tried my best. However, i knew i couldn’t run fast and i didn’t even want to. So i started very slowly. I immediately started to feel my hamstring pain but it was dull pain. My plan was to run slowly but try to increase my cadence and using a small stride length to minimize pain. Another decision i made was to use as less as possible energy gels . I decided to rely on the concentrated organic gel bought the day before and take a small portion before every climb, on baby food (this was a really good call) and on the food at the station. I realized that if on the days before while i was hiking for hours i could be just fine with ‘normal’ food it shouldn’t be any different now. I won’t lie, my mind was constantly occupied which part of my body hurts or the whole time, but on the other hand, climbing slowly, with 2000 runners around me and watching the amazingly beautiful mountains surrounding me was pure happiness that i missed so much. I just love being around mountains so much that nothing else matters.

After the first few slow kilometers in the town that i was so relieved to start climbing. That’s usually my favorite part in trail runs and my strongest . I have good climbing skills but on the other hand there are too many things i still have to improve in my downhills running. But the reason i was relieved was simple, i knew i could climb almost pain free so spending the next hours climbing had allowed me to gradually relax and as we climbed higher and the views became more spectacular i became happier and more relaxed. It’s like the mountains have a soothing affect on me. After what seemed to be a very very long climb we finally started descending towards the first aid station (Refuge Berton). I had to take it slower than i wanted but my ankle was fine and running slowly seemed to work just ok, so i enjoyed it all the way till the first aid station. I was constantly concerned to be within the cut-off times since i knew i was slow, but since i always saw a tail of runners behind me i knew i was fine. When i reached the first station i felt good. I felt a bit my swollen ankle and my hamstring but i knew i could at least reach the 27km point in which i planned to stop in case i feel bad. It was a very hot day and yet, maybe since i was only occupied with my injuries, i had no stomach or hydration issues which was a huge comfort.

The way to Arnouvaz, was mainly flat or downhill , so i took it slowly enough to minimize pain and yet fast enough not to be lagging behind. Those section are really meant to be enjoyed since the body is not yet exhausted and tired, the views are amazing and all you need to do is just let your legs take you through the trails….luckily, this part was already less crowded than the first climb so it allowed me to take my own pace. I was so happy when i reached Arnouva, it had so many good food options, and i was well behind cut-off, so i took my time to refresh. However, most importantly, i had pain, but it was still not at a level that forced me to stop. I can try my luck and continue to the next station in La Fouley. At that time it was very hot, it was around noon and the trail continued with a long and a difficult climb towards Grand col Ferret. Two months ago i was in a similar situation in Mont Blanc Marathon and i was so weak due to the strong heat i just couldn’t climb. However, now, even though it was hard, exhausting and seemed endless at times i wasn’t weak at all. I didn’t feel like i needed to drink or to pee every second which was a huge relief. I’m not sure if it was my change of nutrition, or just the fact the my mind was only occupied with my hamstring and foot but i felt so happy when i reached the top. I re-filled my flasks, took a shower of water and was relieved to hear we had only 6 km of descend till we reach La Fouley. I think this part was my favorite, just a long and fun downhill just like i love! Finally i reached the station and took my time there to eat and drink (this time i drank a lot of Coke in all stations which was a good decision! ). My hamstring hurt but i was hoping the pain wouldn’t get worse. It allowed me to run but not fast. Then , the trail continued with another long descent towards Champex-Lac which would be half way of the race in 56km. The descend was a bit more painful this time due to my hamstring, but i was holding on. The ascent however was harder for me this time. I started to feel nauseous which scared me. I felt the same feeling many times before in race and i knew it could completely shut me down but i also knew that if i rest and ate properly i’d be fine. I struggled so hard but when i reached Champex and saw all the people cheering along the way in this lovely town i felt already better. I was so surprised when i entered the station: it was huge and it seemed as if hundreds of runners were there. I think this is the point were most runners withdraw of the race. I was still walking alright considering the long day on the mountains (it was about 8 pm when i reached there so i was running for almost 12 hours ) and when i saw many runners just lying on beds agonizing i realized my situation was not as bad as i thought. However, i still felt weak and nauseous. Therefore, i tool about 45 minutes to eat ( i found that soup and fruits worked the best for me) . They even served pasta there so i had a long dinner and simply took my time till i felt i could go on. I knew that the way to Trient would be difficult with another long ascent so i wanted to make sure i’d be able to reach it. I admit that i almost quit in Champex. It was tempting. However, i felt it was unfair to quit if my legs could still walk normally. I knew my body would ‘tell’ me if it couldn’t go any further and i knew i had to keep fighting. I think i could easily spend hours in Champex just eating and resting. I took out my head-lamp, changed to a long-sleeve t-shirt and left the station (This was a mistake since it was too hot ). It was starting to get dark so at that point i decided to take my iPod and turn on the music so that it would boost my run. It was an excellent decision. Moreover, once i left the station i was feeling much better and i wasn’t nauseous as before. And most importantly- i could still run. I felt good, and i just ran slowly feeling revived again. I was in a happy place again. We passed through tiny villages and finally the long ascent to Trient started. It was dark, and it was hard and obviously seemed endless, but this time i pushed myself since i was strong enough. Finally, i reached a point when my body didn’t betray me anymore and i can’t even express how important it was for me. After NUTS Pallas i lost so much confidence in my body that having it back was extremely important and vital. I was running at that point for about 15 hours and i was fine! what a miracle! The descent to Trient seemed as if it would never end and the darkness made it more difficult but i couldn’t be happier when i reached Trient. Only in Trient for the first time i started to digest the fact that i might actually finish the CCC. I ate not less than 3 portions of soup, again, i took my time to refuel and headed towards Vallorcine. During the night i decided to rely solely on water, without any electrolytes and only the liquid concentrated gel before the climbs. It worked fine. At that point, i forgot about my hamstring, all i could think about was that in few hours, if my legs don’t fail me, i will see the sunrise over Chamonix. So i climbed as if nothing would stop me. I knew the drill already- about 1 hour of climb and a long descent towards the next town. Even though it was dark there was something magical in running on the mountains in the dark of night: the long tail of head-lamps, the city lights seen from above the stars forming beautiful constellations in the sky. I’ll never forget those moments. This time the descent felt much harder since there were plenty of rocks and my quads were burning …

I made it to Vallorcine feeling exhausted and tired but so proud and happy. I was still scared but at that point i started to realize i was gonna see a finish line that day. I was doing something which just 12 hours ago seemed absolutely insane and impossible. From Vallorcine we had only 18km left. That’s it, only 18km…however, i think i was lucky i didn’t know at that point what was coming a head of me as i think that was the hardest section of the whole trail. Since i felt quite energetic when i reached Vallorcine, i quickly ate few fruits and a sandwich , refilled water, took a toilet break and continued into the darkness. Shortly after i noticed a tail of light ascending a mountain which seemed to be almost completely vertical in the darkness. It was such a magical moment but i’d rather just keep watching rather than thinking i’m the next to climb there. However, since i knew that was the last climb i did not hesitate and just put one foot in front of the other and headed towards the mountain. At this point, my legs started to hurt, and i head to put a plaster on my foot since i started to have a blister on my right foot. It was annoying as i also notice that my sock was all torn but i had not time to dwell in pain, Chamonix was waiting on the other side. Eventually i was about to find out that this was the hardest climb technically. The darkness made it difficult to notice the trail markers and the climb seemed to take forever. I noticed so many runners were just stopping and resting since it was so steep and long. Finally, after having some difficulties navigating my legs took me safely to the top after what seemed to be endless ascent. Even though it was hard, when i finally reached the top it was sunrise and it was so a positive sign.

However, just as i was thinking that the descent to the next station would start, the trail continued , almost flat , but full of huge rocks and stones which i really hated. It was harder than climbing for me. I think this was absolutely the part where i struggled the most. I could barely run and it seemed as if i’d never see the station. In fact, i was so delusional that at first when i finally reached La Flegere , the last station before Chamonix i was actually sure i reached the finish line and i was so disappointed as i realized i still have about 7km till the finish line. But then again, i already ran 94 km, so what are ‘just another 7’ . My legs hurt at that point and i was so worried about the possible damage to my hamstring so all i wanted was to finish. Although from here to the finish line i only needed to run downhill, it could not run it smoothly . The path was full of huge rocks, tree roots and my legs were just in agonizing pain. Luckily, i realized at some point that i could use the trekking poles to stabilize myself and it helped me to gain more traction and saved me from possible nasty falls. It always seems in any race that the last miles are the longest and now it was no different. As much as i hate running on flat road all i wished was to see tarmac. Unbelievably, when i reached Chamonix i was running as if i just ran a half marathon and not 100km….i wanted to see the finish line so badly…it was early morning but not too early and people were cheering along the whole way till the finish line…i was running as fast as i could considering the circumstances and it was as if all the pain was gone…even though i could barely run on the mountains just few hours ago. And so it was, a dream came true and i ran towards the finish line after 23:16 hours in what i think was the happiest ever finish of any race i did. This moment that i have been dreaming about for nearly a year, this moment came true. To think that i actually finished this race after such a difficult year during which i could barely run, and spending the 4 weeks before the race just resting and in total depression is simply amazing. I don’t know if it was a miracle or i just needed to have more faith in my body but after all the hard work i’ve put up in the last year, i deserved it so much. I’ve never felt more proud. This time i didn’t feel exhaust and dehydrated after finishing. Instead, i ate and drank from the last station , chatted with the volunteer there and than went to greet Hanna. I didn’t know her name was Hanna but i just had to talk to her and congratulate her! I followed her during most of the race and she became my pacer even though she wasn’t aware of that…

We started talking and getting to know each other and i learnt she was Swedish and just like me this was her first time in UTMB. We finished almost together and i was amazed by her courage since she ran the whole race without poles. I wish we had more time to chat but i hope to meet her on other trails in the future.

I was in such pain that although i planned to come back to Chamonix in the afternoon to see the first finishers of the UTMB i found myself in bed for the whole day. The next day i was so relieved that i could walk almost normally that i just went for a walk in Chamonix. I started walking and walking till i reached a cable car. Even though i had no much time as i needed to catch my flight back to Helsinki , i took quickly the cable care only to find out i reached La Flegere where i ran the day before …. :)

Now, two weeks after the race, i’m still in a recovery process, i can’t run much , my hamstring feels tight and my foot hurts when i run but i’m grateful for this as i know it could be much worse. I’m starting to think that maybe my body reacts to my pre-race stress with some weird injuries just like what happened last year in Swissalpine …

I do know i hope i’ll never have to run such a demanding race again thinking about my injuries and where it hurts…i’m happy i finished but i’m still waiting for a pain free run somewhere in the long future.

When i'm reflecting back on the race day i think it was the best day i've had this entire year. It was the most amazing adventure and i wish i could experience the same feeling over and over.

p.s.

With regard to my previous post, i take it back what i said about 2016...it's painful but it brought me to heights i've never thought i'd reach :)